How Birthmothers Can Talk to Family and Friends About Adoption

When you first find out that you’re pregnant, you may not know who to turn to or who to talk to. Once you do begin confiding in friends and family, they will likely have several different opinions about what you should do about the pregnancy and how you should move forward.


However, despite the different pressures you might experience, the decision for yourself and your baby is yours to make. Once you choose to move forward with the pregnancy and find an adoptive family for your baby, you might not know how to talk to others about that choice.


This guide can help you feel more comfortable talking to others about your choice. You can also learn ways to reassure yourself and find confidence in the future you have chosen.


Make a Plan


The first step for communication is to have a solid physical plan in place. Many people who question your choice might ask you questions to see if you have really thought about your choice to give your baby up for adoption. If you’ve already answered some of these questions, you can show your own considerations for your future.


You can meet with a lawyer to talk about your preferences for adoption. Write down things that concern or worry you. Discuss these concerns with your lawyer. Specifically, make a plan for:


  • Your employment. Can you continue to work during your pregnancy?
  • Education. Are you still in school or college? Will you still attend classes, or can you do independent study or online classes?
  • Your living situation. Your lawyer can match you with a family that will provide for medical and living expenses during your pregnancy. This can give you time to make plans, attend support groups, and rest for your health.
  • Choosing a family. You might even choose a family before you decide to tell anyone about your plans. Having the family chosen makes the process more real, and you can show information about the people you have picked for your child.


Meeting with a private legal representative can provide you with a lot of the answers to questions that other people will ask. Spend some time planning what you are going to say. You might rehearse it to yourself or even write it out to find the right words.


Once you have a plan for yourself and your baby, you can decide who to tell and how much to say. You might decide to write a letter to your family, explaining why you have made the choice to give your baby up for adoption. This can give people time to digest the news without plying you for more information.


Use Affirmations


If you have people who support you, rely on their support to help you during hard days. If you have naysayers, you can use positive affirmations to bring yourself more peace. Practice some simple, positive responses to negative comments, instead of engaging in arguments.


For example, if a relative makes a remark about how you made a poor decision, you can say I’m making the best choice for myself and my baby. This way, you don’t have to argue, and you assert your position. You are making a difficult choice, and people close to you might be hurt or upset, but you are focused on the future.


Make Use of Available Counseling


Even with a good plan and with affirmations, you can still feel hurt or abandoned by people you hoped would be supportive. Your adoption representation can provide counseling and group support services so that you don’t have to be strong all the time. You can also work through any feelings of shame or guilt, especially if people in your family make those feelings more acute.


Counseling can help you work through your own feelings, including fear and anxiety that you may not know how to express to others. For more information, contact us at Arizona Adoption Help.