Tips for Setting Boundaries as a Birth Mother

Pregnant WomanPlacing your baby for adoption is a selfless choice to make, and it is sure to bring up a wide variety of emotions over the months that you prepare for the birth. You may encounter some uncomfortable situations along the way. To best handle challenging situations with difficult, rude, or clueless people, consider these tips for setting boundaries and sticking to them.


Keep a Journal to Best Identify What Isn’t Working for You
One of the best ways to work through your feelings and identify things that continually make you uncomfortable is to keep a daily diary. Try to write down how you feel in good times and bad times. It can also be helpful to simply write about your daily activities and see which ones tend to help you feel your best. When you look back over your journal entries, you may see a pattern of behavior.


You may also find certain friends can be nosy, looking in your journal to discover how their company made you feel during certain times and can cause distress if the feelings were negative. This interaction can help you make the choice to limit your contact with the person.  


Plan Answers to Certain Questions
Some issues may come up repeatedly as you prepare to give birth. That may be true even if people don’t know about your plans to place your baby for adoption. Plan how you want to answer overly inquisitive people and inappropriate questions before you are put on the spot in an awkward situation.


For example, try to have a standard answer if it bothers you when people ask questions about the baby. Take whatever approach feels best to you. If you want to deter questions, you may repeat the question and then also ask one of your own. For example, you can look at someone with sincerity and ask why they want to know about that. They will likely take the hint and refrain from asking more questions. 


Don’t Engage With Toxic People
When you are in a challenging situation, your real friends often reveal themselves. Fake or unhealthy friendships that you may have put up with in the past may no longer seem appealing when you are going through a big life change. If you notice that someone repeatedly exhibits toxic behavior and makes you feel bad as you prepare for the birth, step away from them.


If you can discuss things with the person, decide whether you want to offer them an explanation. Sometimes toxic people won’t accept any explanation, so it’s also okay to just say you need space for a while. That may turn into forever if you want. And don’t be afraid to congratulate yourself on distancing people who do not act in a way that protects your best interests.


Accept That You Determine What’s Appropriate
Remember that any question is inappropriate if it makes you uncomfortable. If someone asks you whether you are pregnant and you don’t want to discuss it, you don’t have to answer. If a stranger makes a comment or asks a question, you may simply say something like, “Excuse me, I’m late.” If you’re not in a situation where you can get up and leave, tell them you don’t want to discuss that topic..


While many well-meaning people say insensitive things, their feelings aren’t your responsibility. If the questions or comments don’t feel right to you, you don’t have to put up with them. Self-care is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and the baby you carry. You don’t owe anyone explanations for determining that something isn’t appropriate for you.


Finally, trust yourself. It’s okay to be protective of your feelings and your privacy. Contact Arizona Adoption Help today for help with any aspect of the adoption process. As a private adoption attorney who has helped birth mothers for 35 years, Thomas F. Underwood is dedicated to helping you and protecting your rights during this process.