4 Questions Birthmothers Should Ask Adoptive Families

One of the biggest decisions a birthmother makes is choosing a family for the baby. The decision is often hard and involves a lot of factors. Once you have found families who spark your interest, you will likely plan a meeting, either in person or over the phone.


As you prepare for the meeting, you should consider four key questions to help determine whether the family is the right fit for your adoption ideals. The answers you receive can make a big difference on the decisions you make.


  1. What Does Open Adoption Mean to You?

The term open adoption can mean so many things and varies by families. If you seek a relationship with the child, then you should figure out exactly what open adoption means for a potential adoptive couple. For some people, open adoption could mean an annual letter. For others, the adoption could include monthly in-person visits.


The terms have a wide spectrum and are important to figure out before the adoption process moves forward. By establishing standards early on, you can remove any surprise and potential hurt feelings due to the situation. If you have a specific idea of your open adoption plan, then you can lay forth the plan and reach a compromise with adoptive parents.


  1. What Forms of Communication Will You Use?

Along with the open adoption plan, you can specifically get into details about communication. You have so many ways to communicate with adoptive parents as the years go on. Some families may be comfortable with handwritten letters or e-mails. Private families may choose to open a PO Box dedicated to communications.


Others will allow text messaging and video calls to communicate. Once you set up the communication, you can build a relationship before the baby has arrived. For example, if you choose to do a weekly video call, then you can check in with updates on the pregnancy and everyday life you’re going through.


  1. Where Do You Live and How Will This Impact Possible Visitations?

If open adoption is your goal, then you need to consider how any in-person visits will work. Families all over the United States seek to adopt a baby, so you will likely see profiles from several different states. As you inquire about certain families, you can find out more about where they live and how the location impacts your visitations.


For example, a couple may choose to have visits in your home state, their state, or at a neutral location. When you set up visitation options ahead of time, you can plan out travel needs. If an adoptive couple wants to keep their privacy, then a neutral location like a hotel or tourist destination may work out.


You may need to take a flight for a visit and want to have ample time to save up for flights. You may request easier travel methods to save money, especially if the visits occur multiple times a year. The location makes a big difference, and you may seek a couple who lives closer based on the open adoption situation.


  1. What Is Your Ideal Birthing Plan?

Ultimately, the birthmother has a lot of the say for a birthing plan, but you should set proper expectations when communicating about the potential birth. If you’re open to the idea, you may suggest one of the adoptive parents spends time in the hospital room for the birth. You can determine who wants to hold the baby first.


You can also go over considerations for names and if you want to be involved or if the couple already has a name picked out. All of the elements are little things but will make a big difference if everything is figured out ahead of time.


The birthing process is filled with a lot of emotions and exhaustion, which can lead to regretful decision making if you don’t plan beforehand. First, make a list of your ideal birthing plan and present your ideas to the adoptive couple. Then, you can take their ideas and come up with a plan that works for everyone.


Each party might have different views, but discussions ahead of time will prevent problems. A third-party representative like a counselor or adoption worker can also help with the communication. A lot of birth situations are unpredictable, but you can set an ideal schedule for everyone.


The schedule may also include extra factors, including visitors or photography, as well as if you want to have a moment where you hand the baby off to the adoptive couple. You have a lot of options to choose from, and an adoptive couple can contribute their own ideas and visions for the birth to help.


Get extra help meeting with potential families through the services at Arizona Adoption Help. We will guide you through the process and can also provide additional questions or ways to communicate with an adoptive family.